Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
