Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
