I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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