I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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