Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
