every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
