spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
