He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
