just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
