I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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