You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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