I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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