I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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