were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
