so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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