i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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