It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Alive.
So much puke
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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