that's an acceptable place to lick
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
