I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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