This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I have demons in me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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