your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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