I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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