Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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