She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
