it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
