youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
