I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
