She is in my trunk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
