I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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