thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize