so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
