there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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