addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
