im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
