It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
