why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize