I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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