Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
