I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She bit a glass in half.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
