You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
