My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
