It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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