He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
