i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
