Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
