turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
