CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
