9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
