Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize