And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
