I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
