I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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