Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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