ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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