So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You ruined the universe
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
