weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
