why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
