I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So much Jack, so little girl.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
