I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
