Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
