I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
