she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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