Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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