When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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