Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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