You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
