capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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