I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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