all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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