Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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