was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
