haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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