I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
