remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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