eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
