On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
