I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
