you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
