I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
