Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
