Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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