If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
