Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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