I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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