I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
