That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
