I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
