I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
