I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
