doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
