matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
