Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
