i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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