Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We talked him into tasing himself.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.