omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
