Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.